The older I get, the more I realize ...

History is like a rich storehouse of treasures to which you can go for help, inspiration, and instruction. 

It is not a house you move into, or else you would leave your life, your impact in the present, and your vision for the future.

It cannot be used as a trailer, dragging behind you lock, stock and barrel, because that is too heavy a weight for anyone to carry.

It should not be ignored, because why should you start over with nothing when your ancestors have worked so hard to provide you with starter seed for a beautiful garden?

Pick and choose from the history storehouse which family values, which examples of heroism, which cautionary tales you will use to build your own life story.  Use your history wisely and you will be richer than anyone around you.

LDM 10-30-2014
Born in January (the month of Janus who faces two directions).

A Positive Legacy of Deception – Part 2

If you have followed my reasoning so far (in Part 1), you can see that there is another essential component that is needed in order to protect oneself from evil in this world, something more than goodness and the belief in goodness. 

That element is cynicism, or a suspicion about evil, and idealists lack it. This is a disturbing conundrum for the positive, happy people in the world.  Positive people don’t really want to think about evil at all.  They would rather assume that everyone is just like them!

[If you’re a cynic, you’ve already got this one down, and you’re probably even wondering why I have wasted all these words to say something so obvious.  Feel free to skip this blog!]

Here’s why I am writing this:  I love the idealists and dreamers, and I want to protect them.  I want all dreamers and Pollyannas and happy, positive people to go on doing what they are doing – making the world a better place – but with this one addition -- the recognition of evil and how to stand against it.

So here’s to all my friends in rose-colored glasses.  Don’t get bitter; get smart!

Tip Number One – Say this out loud to yourself, “There are evil people in this world, who desire to hurt me, or don’t care whether they do, and I will occasionally cross paths with them.”

Number Two – (Quick, before you react to that last statement!) “I can truly protect myself from most of the damage they try to create.”

Number Three – I commit to paying attention to any “red flags” that my intuition gives me about certain people.  This intuition is my “early warning system.”

Number Four – I commit to using all my other senses, including rational logic, to verify the source of the uncomfortable feeling coming from my intuition.

Number Five – I will never negate my intuition about a person, whether verified or not, by placing myself or a loved one into a vulnerable situation with the person in question.

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Anyone who does these five things will significantly reduce the chances that they will be taken advantage of by a predator.  That is not to say that there will be no attacks from predators, but if we have not placed ourselves in compromising positions in relation to them, (i.e. spouse, business partner) we have much greater ability to get away from them or repulse their attacks.

So, how about it?  Ready for some mental jujitsu training!

Thankfully yours,

Lorraine

A Positive Legacy of Deception – Part 1

I have decided that there was one very positive benefit to my catastrophic experience of being in relationship with a pathological liar.  Now I know that there is such a thing as a pathological liar.

Considering all of my pain and the losses I endured, that might seem like a very high price to pay for this knowledge.  It isn’t.  Or, at least I can say that God must think the suffering was worth it.

To give a little perspective, let me tell you what some of those losses were.  I lost a 25 year marriage, my reputation, my bank account, my in-laws, an extended network of sisters and brothers and nieces and nephews, and my family.  But even all of that could not outweigh losing my mind.

And that is exactly the price a pathological liar inflicts.  Insanity.  The loss of your mind, your reason, your perspective, your self.

You can’t immerse yourself in lies and remain sane.  Sanity is based on reality and logic.  It is a proper relating to “that which is” as opposed to “that which is not.”  So whether you are the one perpetrating the lies, or the victim living with the liar, you are in danger.

Now that I have recovered my mind, sanity, perspective and self, I have new insight. I was always a “Pollyanna.”  I believed the best in people.  I knew that evil existed, but since I tried to avoid practicing evil, and tried to avoid people who were obviously evil, I thought I was all right.

I wasn't.  

It sounds like a good, positive plan, doesn’t it?  Wouldn’t you be happy if you saw your children avoiding evil people and evil behavior?  Yes, we all would. 

Yet there was something missing.  What was it?\
Stay tuned for Part 2!

Thankfully yours,

Lorraine

(PS. I have since received back some of what was lost, and God has given me much besides.)