WHAT’S THE CATCH??

The Bible sometimes offers rewards with a catch.

Blessed is the woman* who fears the LORD,

            Who finds great delight in his commands.

Her children will be mighty in the land,

            The generation of the upright will be blessed.

                                                            Psalm 112: 1-2                      

      Here is a reward with a catch.  We get to be blessed if we obey. Not only if we obey, but if we like to obey.  Well, that rules me out!  How about you.  Next, there is a blessing for my children, which also has a condition.  If I am doing right in my life, then they will be great in reputation and accomplishment.  Wow—scary.

      But wait; maybe I’ve read it wrong.  Let me try again. Let’s see, the first condition is that I “fear the LORD,” which means that I don’t want to find out what will happen if I don’t obey!  Check.  Second condition is that I “find great delight” in his commands.  The operative word here is “find.”  First I have to DO and then I EXPERIENCE.  That’s when I FIND.  Oh, well that is easier.  Now, let me think back.

      When I was a teenager I never wanted to obey.  The idea of obedience was counterproductive to my strong inclinations, and even to my growth into the person I wanted to become.  Let me give you an example.  When I was 15, my mom told me I could not go to youth group; I had too much homework and I had to do the dishes.  She told me I could not fast; I was still growing and besides I was probably in a cult to have such an idea!  But I HAD to go to youth group.  Youth group was my life – both socially and spiritually.  Conclusion: obedience was bad for my health.

      Then, having gone to youth group one night, I learned from the leaders that obedience to my parents was in the Bible.  Oh no!  Now I had a dilemma.  I went home and told my mom that I had not respected her and that I would from then on do what she said.  I’ll never forget—my single-parent, overburdened mom stood in the doorway, with silent tears running down her cheeks.  She then said I could go to youth group again after I did the dishes.  Conclusion: when I obeyed God, I did FIND a blessing I hadn’t expected – RELATIONSHIP with my mom.  I also gained permission to do the heartfelt things that would aid my spiritual growth—for I’m sure my words and actions spoke most persuasively to my mom that I was not involved in a cult.

      I have continued to experience the blessings of obedience in my life, even though the commands have gotten steeper.  FORGIVE those who persecute you.  RELEASE those you love the most. LEAN on God, rather than on your own efforts, for financial provision.

      What did I FIND that I can share with you—I HAVE REWARDS!

[*Scripture verse from the NIV reads: man]

LEARNING TO BE IMPERFRECT

Growing up in a 60s dysfunctional family, people tended to cope by passing blame.

“Pass the potatoes, please.”

“OK.  Pass the pork chops, dear.”

“Here’s a little guilt to go along.”

“Thank you.”

It was because we didn’t know any better.  After all, it was the generation of “if it feels good, do it,” and getting rid of that nasty sinking feeling that you were wrong, sure felt good.

We were all masters of blame-bombing, shame shifting, and guilt-gashing.  Well, everybody knows that the best defense is a good offense, right!

“Did you brush your teeth today?”

“No, I couldn’t because you didn’t buy us any toothpaste.”

Ouch.

Or the more subtle attack-before-attacked: “Dad, when will the car be fixed so I can take back my overdue library books?”

There is no end to the variety of creative approaches.

In this environment, the only protection you have, unless you are going to decimate everyone with your barbs all day, is to be perfect.  Yes, perfect.  If you intend to be perfect, appear to be perfect, try hard to be perfect, and even pretend to be perfect then you’re impervious to the slings and arrows of outrageous guilt-casting around you.

It’s a pretty good defense, as long as you don’t mind living in unreality.

And unreality is a pretty close cousin to insanity as a lifestyle. In fact, there’s even a psychological name for this particular maladjustment:  perfectionism.

“Why,” you say, “I thought everyone was supposed to strive to be perfect.’

Well, I just have one thing to say about that.  That’s just fine advice for all those imperfect people out there who don’t really care a lot.  They can benefit from encouragement in the right direction.  But for the true perfectionist, all such exhortation backfires.  We are perverse.  Burdened with a long list of “To Dos,” and all the “Shoulds” and “Oughts’ continually whirling through the brain, one well-meant nudge can send us right over the edge.

There’s only one cure for the perversity of the Perfectionist – reverse psychology.  So, all you perfectionists out there, listen up!  “I WANT YOU TO LIVE AN IMPERFECT DAY! Get up out of your imperfect bed and fix an imperfect breakfast for your imperfect children.  After that, be sure to do all your housework imperfectly, go to your imperfect job, work for your imperfect boss, and come home tonight to your imperfect husband.”

I’m not the only one to come up with this idea.  The pastor’s wife at a former church of mine once said to me, “Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.”  This is total nonsense to the normal person, but we perfectionists understand it—perfectly.

So, instead of sitting home tonight being depressed about how overwhelming my life is because I’m not perfect, I’m trying a different approach.

I’m taking my own advice.  I just took a walk of less than 30 minutes and didn’t get my cardio rate up high enough.  I was followed by my scruffy little 4 pound dog, through a slightly shabby neighborhood, and returned to a home that’s over 30 years old and needs repair.  I fixed my marginally nutritious chicken dinner and sat down to write this half-baked article.  And I’m having the time of my life!!!  It’s working!